Ramblings! (for my own sanity)

So I've had some small epiphanies about my life. Sometimes I sit around my completely messy home with a sink full of dishes, toys scattered everywhere, paper airplanes covering almost every inch of our meager square footage, and I can't help but think why am I not doing better at this whole Motherhood role. Why don't my children and for that matter my husband and I clean up after ourselves better? Why is my oldest so sensitive that he broke down for his entire swimming lesson a few weeks ago? Am I the only person in the world that can't help but feel like a complete failure after reading my other friends blogs and or Christmas newsletters? They all seem to have everything so together. What am I doing wrong?

So here goes. First off, and this is a huge one for me. Our Father in Heaven is not comparing me and all of my weaknesses to everyone else in the world. He just isn't. I need to know that everyday I only need to be making baby steps toward my own perfection in what ever areas I can, I can't do it all at once and I certainly can't be perfect in every area of my life all of the time. Baby steps toward my own individual betterment goals. Sometimes for me and my family it's more important that I take the time to sit down and role play with my son in helping him over come a huge fear of the deep end of a swimming pool, rather than getting my kitchen clean. Sometimes it has to be more important to take him to the pool and go through a few dry runs so he can really start enjoying his classes instead of having it be a completely traumatic experience. But, yeah my laundry didn't get done that day. It all is worth it though when he confidently beams up at me during Saturdays swimming class and gives me a long distance knuckles, after jumping in and successfully completing whatever the teacher asked him to do.

When all is said and done I know that I have a whole heck of a lot of weaknesses, that I am tackling everyday. Sometimes not so successfully, but I'm trying. And, I wish I were the type of personality that was like an energizer bunny, you know, that I could just keep going and going. But, I'm not. There are some long days that when I finally get the kids in bed, I don't choose to complete all the many tasks I need to get down. I instead choose to sit down and relax with a show or a book. I can't help but feel lazy for that sometimes, why is that?

I absolutely love my life! I have the greatest kids in the world, and the most loving and supportive husband a woman could ever ask for. The blessings I've been given truly bring tears to my eyes, and it's when I focus on the beauty of all the amazing people that I'm surrounded by, all the things I can learn, not perfect, but keep growing exponentially. I get it, sort of, in my own small way I suppose. I need to drink in more fully those moments when we are all sandwiched in a "family taco pile up", or Oliver is running around giving us all his lovely open mouthed and terribly wet kisses, or Lincoln remembers President Monson in his prayers, or my sweet husband calls from work just to talk. Life is full of these moments for all of us. So, I have to stop stressing about a perfect house all of time, because for me it's just not always attainable and even if it was what would I be sacrificing to attain it. Maybe, my boys will grow up to be slobs, but I hope they're happy, well rounded, loving, nurturing, faithful, confident, slobs. I hope that their future wives will appreciate that, I know I do. Yes, neatness is not my husbands strong suit, but he is more importantly all of those other things, and that I am eternally grateful for.

In short, life is too short not find and pull out the beauty in every moment, and try my hardest to stop comparing my weaknesses to everyone else's apparent strengths. My Father in Heaven loves me for who I am, and sees those seemingly teensy baby steps I'm taking everyday toward my own individual perfection. And yes, He is proud of me.

My list of just a few of my "Dirty Little Secrets"

1. There are days when Ollie is still in his PJ's at dinner time.

2. I don't wash our bedding every week.

3. We eat pb&j and mac & cheese a lot more often than I'd ever admit to.

4. I let Lincoln ride his scooter in our house.

5. I kill almost every plant I touch, seriously!

6. More often than not my house looks like a tornado just roared through it.

7. Despite our best efforts we are often late to sacrament(church).

8. Bribery isn't a bad word at our house, what ever works seems to be closer to our family motto.

9. I am a horrible whiner, and it's rubbing off on my children.

10. I hate ironing and we always have a huge pile of clothes waiting for me to stop putting it off.

This has been somewhat therapeutic.